I truly believe every single person possesses an indwelling divinity, regardless of whether or not they are conscious of it. My challenge is to access this power and utilise it both to improve myself and for the greater good.
Since being in AA I have frequently found passages in spiritual literature that resonate – that describe me as I was, as I am, or as I would like to be. Most recently I have found myself described, with frightening accuracy, by Normal Vincent Peale as a “half-a-minder” – a divided self. Part of my personality is outgoing and enterprising, ambitious, creative, and full of dynamic ideas, whilst the other part is fearful, timorous, negative. Paradoxically it is the temerity that dominates. My defeatist self repeatedly rationalises failure and finds convenient reasons for not acting on my ideas, thus overpowering my creative, real self and causing a perpetual inner conflict. I avoid taking risks and never get further than “having half a mind” to do anything.
In order to change this habit I must break the grip of endless hesitating. Ask God for inspiration, direction, and strength (Big book, p85). Adjust my attitude. Access that indwelling divinity and BELIEVE I can change, believe I am capable, believe my ideas can come to fruition. Acknowledge the voice of self-doubt but don’t listen to its whispers. It’s only fear talking and faith is stronger. Supplement “I can’t” with “I can” and believe it.