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Powerlessness doesn’t mean useless, worthless, weak or pathetic, synonyms I believe so many people erroneously associate with Step One. Losing the power of choice in drink is no more my ‘fault’ than any other poor choice I make. Choices are an illusion. My ‘fault’ lies in the belief that I have any power or control in my choices.

Every decision I make is rooted in my history and genetics. I did not create myself nor my circumstances. Everything that has happened to me, all my experiences and all my pain, get compressed and repressed, remaining trapped and secretly influencing my desires, behaviour and relationships. I think I’m doing the choosing, but it is my history doing the choosing. I am merely a marionette puppet, my history holding the strings.

This isn’t about attributing blame. It is simply about understanding where my responsibility lies.

My only real choice therefore is to choose God or not to choose God. I can either walk through life blindly, robotically, unconsciously controlled by my past, asleep, or to seek guidance from my higher power. Taking responsibility means choosing the latter, and not relying on my ‘instinct’- a misguided, skewed version of the truth, steeped in woundedness and confusion.

“If you don’t choose God, your character defects are in charge.” – Sandy B.