Why is change so difficult? From the outside, a person consistently behaving ‘badly’ looks like they don’t want to change. Internally, a persistent struggle rages – the desire to change but an inability/ a seeming powerlessness to do so. What causes this blockage, this dissonance? Essentially I resist change because it’s more difficult to change than to stay the same, even if staying the same hurts. It’s easier to wallow in familiar pain than to step out into the unfamiliar light.
This fear of change has many forms. I am afraid of the unknown – what I know is predictable, even if it’s ‘bad’ it gives me a false illusion of security. It feels safer to stick with unpleasant certainty than to dip my toe into uncertainty.
I am afraid of facing what I’ve done, who I’ve been, who I am. To truly see me, to hold the mirror up and face the truth is pretty terrifying. Accompanying the truth is much guilt and shame as I recognise the discrepancy between who I am and who I want to be. This can be released with a dose of humility – the recognition of my humanity and inevitability of making mistakes, and the understanding that my mistakes don’t define my value.
I am afraid that if I change I won’t like the result. What if I turn into a worse version of me!? or if I do like the new me, what if I can’t sustain the change? Again, the uncertainty of change can paralyse me, scared to release the old without being able to guarantee what’s going to replace it.
I am afraid of chronic emptiness. I cannot conceive that which I have not experienced, so with the release of my shortcomings, I can only imagine a void in their place, an empty vacuum in my soul. What will replace my anger if I let it go? What will replace my procrastination, my daydreaming and wandering thoughts? What replaces drama and chaos? Thankfully, I am reminded that nature abhors a vacuum – releasing darkness only creates space for more light, more love and more power.
In order to become entirely ready I must acknowledge these fears and release them. I must make a conscious decision to live differently and take persistent steps to implement this decision, drawing strength from my higher power. This process isn’t about suppressing or controlling my defects, it is about the willingness to live without them and working to release them. My shortcomings are impediments to my growth and need to be cleared in order to make space for more useful ways of thinking and behaving.
Being entirely ready means I stop relying on my shortcomings to respond to life. Instead, I utilise my inner strength/ connection to a higher power to respond to fear and difficulty and ask for help.